WORDS: Punk Food Bandita

Bookmakers across the country are laying odds as the race heats up for the two events that the public is wondering will even happen- Brexit or George RR Martin’s final Game of Thrones book. William Hill currently has Winds of Winter as the favourite but admitted that hell freezing over was ahead of them both.

The frustration of the delay of both events has caused outrage with the public. One Game of Thrones fan Brexiteer, Ed Lark, couldn’t believe his bad luck: “People just don’t know what it’s like, being a GoT fan and a leave voter” He said through tears. “I haven’t watched any of the series and used to love telling people who hadn’t read the books that I knew what was going to happen, but that’s been ruined now with the last series coming out. You’d have thought the amount of times the book deadline has been pushed back I would be used to the heartbreak, but when they said Brexit was also being delayed from 29th March to Halloween I just couldn’t take it. Someone’s even figured out how to take a picture of a black hole before these two have got their act together. It’s ridiculous”.

George RR Martin has hit back at fan frustration, saying he had to wait until Brexit was finalised as it was keeping him in plot ideas “Honestly, I finished the first draft over three years ago. Then one day I got stuck watching BBC parliament and discovered a whole new layer of treachery and backstabbing that I could be tapping into, and the Tories have a kill count I can only dream of. Their only fault is that none of them is anyone’s favourite character. I just decided that the whole thing had to be re-written and now I need to wait till Brexit dies down as I can’t compete with their storyline.

Now the author has reached out to British Prime Minister to give assurance on how to cope with being such an unpopular procrastinator and provide instructions on how to build a moon door to push Mark Francois through.

Meanwhile Theresa May has announced she is now deciding who will be her champion to fight against Jeremy Corbyn’s Keir Starmer and Chuka Umunna from The Littlefinger Party in a trial by combat, and all MP’s have been warned not to accept any wedding invites over the next few months.